The Filter: Team Blog

So, the world’s worst mobile telecoms network (it took them about three months to give me my PAC code so that I could move to o2 and get an iPhone, the inept fools) have announced the nominees for this years Rising Star awards. Last year it was won by Shia LaBeuf, who ruined my life last year with the ultra depressing ‘Into The Wild’; a movie that made me want to give my life savings (about 28p) to Oxfam and run away to Scotland where I could be eaten by wild dogs, I’ve only just been able to get over it…

This years nominees are Michael Cera, someone who probably is a star already after playing high profile roles in Juno and Superbad. He will clearly win it, as he is the only actor that most people will have heard of. I’d urge you to look further, as the Orange Bafta website shows that all the other actors have some degree of beard/facial hair (except for the lady) – so can probably method act.

Then there’s Toby Kebbell, who has an amusing surname. He played Anthony, Paddy Constantine’s brother in the absolutely awesome Dead Man’s Shoes a few years back. Again, I’d urge you not to vote for him because he’s going to be starring in a romantic drama directed by Stephen Frears with Michelle Phiffer as the lead role. It’s not the 90’s any more, i think he should stick to playing dead people in gratuitously violent films. It could be a whole new genre.

Then, there’s two actors that have been in either Causalty or Holby City. I have a personal vendetta against these programs. If you haven’t seen them they are British soaps set in hospitals, basically the low-budget UK equivalent of ER. I don’t like these programs because they show operations and blood and death and guts and it makes me feel sick and unmanly because I have to close my eyes during these scenes. These actors are Michael Fassbender (hopefully pronounced Face-Bender) and Noel Clarke.

Finally, there’s Rebecca Hall – I haven’t seen any of her new films, but she was in Frost/Nixon… but not as David Frost. The Daily Telegraph thinks she’s “Wonderful”, “Excellent” and “Engaging”. But then, The Daily Telegraph has also been giving lots of coverage to the idea that a UFO has hit a windturbine.

So, that’s a thorough analysis of these years contestants. You are now qualified to go and vote (and thus win things) at http://bafta.orange.co.uk – but remember that this is the careers of talented actors that you’re dealing with, so don’t just vote based on who has got the funniest surname, who has the best facial hair, or whether or not they’ve been in low budget UK TV shows that you don’t like.